Vachon Imagined

My mother-in-law doesn’t like me.

How do I know?

Do you really need to ask?

You know how people show you that they like you. They invite you to things. They want to talk to you. They want you around. They make you a priority.

Simple.

Now let’s talk about the mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law is a special category of human relationship because she can dislike you while maintaining complete plausible deniability.

She doesn’t dislike you.

Oh, no.

She just thinks you could do things differently.

Your hair is nice, but have you ever thought about wearing it the way Sarah wears hers?

Your house looks beautiful. Sarah’s house is just so warm, though.

Your lasagna is good, but have you tried Sarah’s?

Now THAT is lasagna.

And there you are, wondering whether you accidentally entered a cooking competition you were never told about.

“Oh, I’ll have to try her recipe.”

Inside you’re thinking, Lady, I didn’t ask for a lasagna review.

But that’s the funny thing about human beings. We are remarkably good at communicating what we don’t want to say directly.

“That’s an interesting choice.”

“Your lasagna is good, but Sarah’s is really something.”

And something inside us goes:

Hmm.

That wasn’t really a compliment, was it?

No, Karen.

It wasn’t.

And here is where the mother-in-law story becomes much bigger than the mother-in-law.

The mind loves comparison.

This is good. That is bad.

She is better. I am worse.

I’m right. You’re wrong.

Eventually, comparison becomes prejudice, separation, and justification.

And suddenly we aren’t talking about lasagna anymore.

We’re talking about human suffering.

So how do you love people who don’t like you?

You stop requiring them to like you.

You don’t need their approval to know who you are. You don’t need to pretend their behavior doesn’t hurt. Love isn’t pretending. Love sees clearly.

You can establish boundaries without hatred. You can walk away without making someone your enemy.

And then something remarkable becomes possible.

You can love someone who doesn’t love you.

Not because they have earned it.

Not because they changed.

Not because they finally admitted you were right.

You can simply stop resisting them.

The person who insults you, and you buy them coffee anyway.

The mother-in-law who gives you backhanded compliments, and when her husband dies, you weep with her.

The people around you may not understand.

They may say, Why would you do that for someone who treats you that way?

Because love heals offense.

Love removes resistance.

Love doesn’t mean allowing someone to mistreat you. It means their mistreatment does not get to determine what happens inside you.

This is where gentleness becomes powerful.

You aren’t better.

They aren’t worse.

You are love.

They are love.

And when you know that, you don’t have to win.

You don’t have to be right.

You don’t even have to be liked.

You can simply love.

And if that doesn’t work on your mother-in-law, at least bring dessert.

Not the lasagna.