Vachon Imagined

There are people I have worked around who are disrespectful, rude, and bullying—and they invariably get promoted.

If you knew these people, and if people weren’t constantly trying to protect themselves, their ego, or their reputation, you might find that many would say the same: rude, constantly interrupting, not listening—you know the type. And if not, take a good, nonjudgmental look around… or inward. Voila. There we are. Right alongside the rest of us. Sorry to break the illusion, but hello—it’s nice to meet you.

When I was working for a man with more authority, rank, and tenure than me, he took my work and placed it into another document without consulting me or giving me credit.

I was furious.

So on fire that I actually yelled at him in front of another subordinate.

Not my finest hour—professionally, militarily, or humanly. But it happened.

I won’t lie: I was hot.

And he knew it.

What surprised me was what happened next.

Instead of reacting punitively—like I imagine his younger self might have—documenting it, escalating it, handing it off to HR as yet another file to be processed—he took time.

About thirty minutes later, he called me back and apologized.

What?

Which honestly made me feel worse.

Here I was, losing control, and my boss is the one apologizing to me. Wonderful.

But what it taught me was grace.

He showed me grace.

And it stayed with me.

Because here’s the other side of it: if I had continued that behavior, and it was tolerated, what tone would that set for everyone else?

Right has a way of revealing itself in what is tolerated. And when something is tolerated long enough, others begin to follow it—not always out of agreement, but out of survival. To protect careers, reputations, families, income. We all negotiate our terms. No exception.

There are also people who eventually learn to say no.

No—you cannot talk to me that way.
No—you cannot treat me that way.

And speaking from experience, those are not always the easiest paths. The people who draw boundaries are sometimes sidelined, blacklisted, or quietly pushed out.

So the advice “stand up for yourself” is not as simple or universally rewarded as it is often made to sound.

But it is still necessary.

It is necessary for people to hold others accountable when too much is being overlooked. It is necessary to become the kind of person who can discern: yes, this is something I will address—and no, this is something I will let pass.

Both are required.

Both serve a purpose.

And if you are open, life will train you in when to use one, both, or neither.

Either way, you are supported.

And you are not alone in learning it.