Realizing You are The Enemy You War With

With every bomb, she became the strong men she read about, the strong men she dreamed about, silent architects of destruction and salvation, wielding power she could only channel through numbers, codes, and angles. She supported them all from the comforts of her chair, though comfort was a lie: fluorescent lights cast harsh shadows across the room, the air thick with the stale aroma of day-old coffee hidden behind the cardboard walls of her closet, her fortress of necessity. No “love me” wall, no accolades, no grand gestures awaited her. Only the hum of computers, the scratch of pen on paper, the endless math of risk and consequence.

She was unseen yet indispensable. Every calculation, every phone call to someone far above her pay grade, was a thread tugged in a web that reached into homes, into lives, into futures. She delivered justice, punishment, and retribution with a keystroke, a coordinate, a coded message, but not for herself. Not her name. Not her story.

Not me, she thought, tracing azimuths on a glowing screen as lives flickered like candles in the wind, some extinguished, some spared. And yet, when the bombs fell closer, when the cloth of her own existence shredded under the tension, she returned. She went back in, not for glory, not for duty, not even for love, but to save them, to save herself, to save the fragile idea that she could survive without becoming the very shadow she hunted.

Because beneath the calculations and cryptography, beneath the military precision and the silent heroism, lingered a darker truth: she understood, painfully, that she could be just like them. That in order to protect, she had to wield the same destruction she despised. That in order to be strong, she had to embrace what she feared most—her own reflection in the faces of her sworn enemies. And so she went on, a ghost in the hum of fluorescent lights, a woman who bore the weight of worlds in a chair that would never remember her name.

Leave a comment